Alright, I admit that I have no idea how to write the About page for my blog. Having spent not less than 427 hours on it so far, producing a total of 98 iterations and discarding them all in disgust, I still don’t have a clue what I’m about. Although I have no idea how to write it, I have managed to discover what NOT to do. To anyone who is struggling to write an About page I can recommend NOT doing a Google search using the terms ‘Best Blog About Pages’, because all that will come up is a screen full of pressure:

About is the most important page on your blog;

Better not fuck up your About page or you’re finished;

Grab attention with your About page in 4 nano-seconds or your reader will flee in terror;

10 Man Booker winners who lost their publishing deals with shit About pages;

etc. etc. ad infinitum.

Thirty years ago when my Year 9 ‘Careers’ teacher asked me what I wanted to do for a living, I looked at her like she was crazy and said “How the fuck should I know? I’m only in Year 9”. In the instant before she started screeching the usual get out, go to the principal kind of stuff, her beady little eyes bugged right out! It was totally worth it. It seems to me that asking what I’m about as a writer is the same kind of stupid question, because I never know what’s going to come out till I start writing.

I would have had this thing done on day two if only I had a business blog. Say for example my blog were about cat breeding:

I am a cat breeder of extraordinary skill. I can mate a very small cat with a very big cat to produce medium-sized cats (provided that one is a boy and the other is not, and they fancy each other a bit). I can, using nothing but two moderately ugly cats, produce a whole litter of truly grotesque kittens, and you can buy these at very reasonable prices to impress all your nutty, cat obsessed friends. I reveal all of my catty secrets on my blog: http://www.loopycatwoman.com