Well, well… lookie here:

Texas Pastor Threatens to Set Himself on Fire if Gay Marriage Legalized¹

Pastor Scarborough, perhaps since yesterday’s Supreme Court ruling you’ve been having trouble finding a box of matches? If you’ll pardon my impudence, I think this is a once in a life time not to be missed opportunity for you to show genuine leadership on the issue, and I believe that your position would be much strengthened by instructing all 44,500 of your followers to immediately (dare I simultaneously?) follow suit. After all, the flock would only wander aimlessly without its shepherd, falling ultimately to the wolves of…the wolves of….he who shall not be named…

SATAN! SAAAAATAN! SA TAN, SA TAN, SA TAN…

Ahem…

Sorry, I was momentarily possessed I think. My head just did a full 360 degree spin and projectile vomit is everywhere! Vom9it injj keybhorde maaakinhg typing tri#Xcky… It’s a mess around here.

Because clearly Pastor, as you say, marriage equality is a satanic plot. A plan, a scheme, a devious demonic evil abomination with devils and all kinds of other made up fairytale monsters in on it….the scheme. They’re trying to bring down HUMANITY ITSELF! All of it! In toto. To kill us all with fire and brimstone and torture and all kinds of other absurd and ridiculous bullshit designed to frighten the weak of mind and children. There is a hoard of scary monsters from a very baaaaahd place, a comin’ to kill us all!; because the Supreme Court has said that people may marry whomever they want. Of course there is. It’s all true! I believe Pastor! I BEEEEELIEVE!… Actually, no; no I don’t.

But I am frightened Pastor. I am frightened not so much of you; there have always been hate filled nutjobs around – but you have somehow convinced another 44,500 people to follow you! I am frightened that you may somehow get your hooks into someone who might otherwise have been a brilliant doctor, biologist, climate change researcher, geneticist, palaeontologist, human rights campaigner or cosmologist, and close their mind with your fear mongering and bigotry before they get a chance to develop a love of their true calling. I fear that you may have undue influence over a child, thrust into your sphere by dim-witted parents; a child who may not meet a dissenting view until it’s too late to change, or before irreparable emotional damage is done.

Pastor, I’m sure that matches are readily available at a retail outlet near you. So are lighters, blow torches and, being Texas, open-carry legal flame throwers! Heaven apparently awaits you Pastor. Go there! Quickly! and don’t forget your sheep.