The Runner.

running cheaper

‘You want to go get some lunch?’
‘Hmm… thanks for asking, but I need to go for a run today.’
‘You ran yesterday!’
‘That’s true.’
‘So why not skip it today and come to lunch with us?’
‘Can’t. If I don’t run, it’ll catch up.’
‘Dare I ask?’
‘Turn your back on creeping obesity…’
‘Please shut up.’
‘…and BAM! – galloping obesity.’
‘There’s not an ounce of fat on you.’
‘That’s because I run.’
‘You can run tomorrow.’
‘That’s true.’
‘Great, so I’ll see you downstairs?’
‘Yes, in about 10 minutes.’
‘Great!’
‘I’ll be the one running past.’
‘Dick.’
‘I’ll give a little wave…’
‘Whatever.’
‘You could come with me?’
‘I don’t have any gear.’
‘Ah. Well, bring it tomorrow then.’
‘I mean I don’t own any gear.’
‘Oh… that does make it tricky.’
‘What about lunch tomorrow?’
‘Tomorrow’s a gym day, sorry.’
‘You’re a Fanatic! A junky.’
‘Maybe. I do kinda like the endorphins.’
‘Junky.’
‘You want to know the best thing about running?’
‘No.’
‘After a run, I can eat anything! As much as I want.’
‘But not before?’
‘Can’t run on a full stomach, you’ll puke everywhere.’
‘The day before?’
‘I’m talkin’ doughnuts, cookies, pizza…’
‘Fantastic.’
‘…whole cows.’
‘Niiiice.’
‘Of course…’
‘What?’
‘I don’t.’
‘What!!?’
‘I’m not putting that shit into my body.’
‘You’re a nutter.’
‘This body is a temple.’
‘Goodbye.’
‘The great god Nike is my redeemer and healer.’
‘Jesus wept.’
‘He tells me: Steve, go forth into the world… and just do it.’
‘Idiot. I’m going to lunch.’
‘Thine shall be done Lord Nike!’
‘You’re a weird guy; you know that right?’
‘Sometimes I speak in tongues.’
‘See how I’m slowly backing away from you while avoiding eye contact?’
‘Tell me, have you found the Lord yet?’
‘Yes. He’s at the Chinese place downstairs; he demands you come to lunch.’
‘Lord Salmonella? A false god. Lord Nike is the one true god.’
‘Riiight.’
‘Away heathen!’
‘If you insist. Ciao.’
‘Chow indeed my friend… chow indeed.’

3 thoughts on “The Runner.

    1. Thank you my friend. I have to admit I laughed a fair bit writing it. Isn’t writing bazaar? Things come out of one part of our brains, that can make another part laugh. It’s like having a split…wait…maybe I need a therapist more than I thought!

      Like

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