The Runner.

running cheaper

‘You want to go get some lunch?’
‘Hmm… thanks for asking, but I need to go for a run today.’
‘You ran yesterday!’
‘That’s true.’
‘So why not skip it today and come to lunch with us?’
‘Can’t. If I don’t run, it’ll catch up.’
‘Dare I ask?’
‘Turn your back on creeping obesity…’
‘Please shut up.’
‘…and BAM! – galloping obesity.’
‘There’s not an ounce of fat on you.’
‘That’s because I run.’
‘You can run tomorrow.’
‘That’s true.’
‘Great, so I’ll see you downstairs?’
‘Yes, in about 10 minutes.’
‘I’ll be the one running past.’
‘I’ll give a little wave…’
‘You could come with me?’
‘I don’t have any gear.’
‘Ah. Well, bring it tomorrow then.’
‘I mean I don’t own any gear.’
‘Oh… that does make it tricky.’
‘What about lunch tomorrow?’
‘Tomorrow’s a gym day, sorry.’
‘You’re a Fanatic! A junky.’
‘Maybe. I do kinda like the endorphins.’
‘You want to know the best thing about running?’
‘After a run, I can eat anything! As much as I want.’
‘But not before?’
‘Can’t run on a full stomach, you’ll puke everywhere.’
‘The day before?’
‘I’m talkin’ doughnuts, cookies, pizza…’
‘…whole cows.’
‘Of course…’
‘I don’t.’
‘I’m not putting that shit into my body.’
‘You’re a nutter.’
‘This body is a temple.’
‘The great god Nike is my redeemer and healer.’
‘Jesus wept.’
‘He tells me: Steve, go forth into the world… and just do it.’
‘Idiot. I’m going to lunch.’
‘Thine shall be done Lord Nike!’
‘You’re a weird guy; you know that right?’
‘Sometimes I speak in tongues.’
‘See how I’m slowly backing away from you while avoiding eye contact?’
‘Tell me, have you found the Lord yet?’
‘Yes. He’s at the Chinese place downstairs; he demands you come to lunch.’
‘Lord Salmonella? A false god. Lord Nike is the one true god.’
‘Away heathen!’
‘If you insist. Ciao.’
‘Chow indeed my friend… chow indeed.’

3 thoughts on “The Runner.

    1. Thank you my friend. I have to admit I laughed a fair bit writing it. Isn’t writing bazaar? Things come out of one part of our brains, that can make another part laugh. It’s like having a split…wait…maybe I need a therapist more than I thought!


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